thinking is always going on,
but finally got it through.
you see, God do things simply too perfect, so perfect and always reduce the damage to the lowest =). the pain for her is so on continue until it comes to now, it stopped. why? i just want to bless her as i continue with my life. well i dunno whether she got liking on that guy or not, but i am letting go, and yeah seems like i am going to break the promise again. haha.
until these days, i am able to finally get hold on my words =). yeah and so, i won't break it this time. yeah i teared but i will still bless her and also, i think there is someone who is better than me who can take care of her, and treat her better than me. haha=D. and i will be there secretly praying hard. haha =D. and yeah she will be my past. not i dun want to be with her, maybe becos of age, maybe becos of marriage, she will get married around 28 while i will getting married around 25.
well well, i dun wish my wife to suffer too much during her pregnancy, and i will want to spend with her more time personally, cos we both will be quite busy with work and no time is able to spare out because of God's work and commitment for work and us. so yup, haha =D...
but it's quite to find a lady from the world, or even in Christ, who is able to understand the importance of God's work. i try to find and seek, but so far to me, i dunno, i just think that ladies around my age will require more time to be with them, and i think they will sure quarrel with me that, "is God's work more important than me?!", blah blah blah, that's why need a mature and understanding woman. taking care of women who is elder than you doesnt mean you are a good boyfriend and means you are more mature, but understand what do the women need is the most important ba. =).
many thoughts have been always flashing through my mind, and ya, recently i just realised that yeah there is a lot of lady friends who cared for me and treated me well. let me see... like... rach! yeah she is a good friend. sent messages to say good morning, and concerned me in some ways, though not too many. and yeah i always appreciate that, cos i dun think i am a stone hearted person and always taken things for granted. maybe my mood just not that right these few days ba haha.=D sorry to those who i have showed attitude haha. but i hope the way i show my emotions is not visible haha =)!
since my mind is opened once again, time to squeeze it lo!! =D
today, my cubicle there is a patient who is bedridden for sometime le, and you can see the patient's wife is crying. however, i cant do anything. very sad to see that. that tells me how weak a life can be. and you can see the patient's both eyes looking at his wife. i dunno whether that's the right thing but i try to write out the patient's feelings. hope i dun cry. =).
the man is thinking,
" so sorry my dear. watching you crying for me yet i cant do anything. how i wish i can cry with you but my eyes and my body are dried. no longer my hands can wipe away your tears, give up your hope on me. i cant do anything except struggling, so please give up your hope on me..."
the man's eyes is looking at the wife helplessly. the wife thought that patient did not see that but he did, he just pretend to sleep.
phew luckily i didnt cry, kinda off to write this now. =). but i dunno what happened to me le. yes i do feel helpless to a human body, however i cannot show my emotional self, otherwise how am i going to help the patient's kin? =).
well well around there i am known for my childishness and... my "hero-ness"? lol dun care. whatever comes i do lo. and my anger has reached a higher level? i began to realise what is humble yourself le... you know when even you are strong, do humble because there is someone who is sure stronger than you and yeah, know your mistakes before others can make comments. I believe self attack is not as painful as others stabbed you, maybe because you know how deep you can stab yourself and know when to stop, while others maybe not =).
haha, that's for today. =)
yeah my God is Good, even though the World is Unfairness.
Hope My Faith on Him will never stop Flowing. =)