Always Learning =)

2006-11-30T22:18:00.000+08:00

i will not post here anymore here lo...

go to http://somethingaboutloveandme.blogspot.com =) enjoy!

2006-11-19T23:33:00.000+08:00

what is it?
am i thinking too much?

i seems to have two different types of personality. normally, i am just like normal kid behaves nothing happened, even if the whole world is collapsing and when i am angry, i am always so harsh to everything. was it part of me?

i dunno, very confused now. maybe i shall seek His words.

speaking in tongues are a privileges to christian.
speak with the flow of Holy Spirit, sing a song from it.
Praise His name,
and it's quite amazing that, you are something so small in God's eyes, yet He will still listen to your-own-self-creation-language. kinda interesting and yup appreciate that a lot.. woo hoo!

that's all for today.

nothing can compare to Him.
may the Holy Spirit guide me to my Father in Heaven.

God Head Three in One,
Father, Spirit, Son,
Beginning and the End,
Beginning and the End.

Simply amazing.

Leaders are special people who do things that people dun understand.

2006-11-19T00:40:00.000+08:00

throughout the days,
am i thinking too much or the vision is appearing in my head? i dunno. maybe it's just a dream.but praise God, what appears in my dreams are something that will happen in the future? i dunno. but i really hope the bad things in my dreams doesnt appear to my loved ones.

been busying throughout the whole week and yesterday night sleep was a great one. didnt know that sleeping is such a good thing. of cos must keep on having the feeling is to make myself weary.

am i sick? certainly not.
i realised that i dun need any gf, but maybe good frens. and if it's my better half, i will sure go all the way, no matter what happens, but that's really hard, because most of the gals around my age, they are still yayapapaya, a little princess, and not all gals; but those who are in "not all" category well, they are mostly taken up. =), which is a good thing. whateva it is, focus my studies, my work and His works.

i may be tired and weary, yet His love is still gripping me on, keep me going, i may felt asleep in sermons, i dun care. if my God is angry with me, please forgive me, i will repent. Praise God that Pastor Khong is back, new speech.

when can i slow down my pace?
i dunno.
but i believe in God, the One who makes me so special.

Leaders are people who do things that people do not understand =)

2006-11-17T17:25:00.000+08:00

i understand what it mean by God's words. and indeed what He came true. my parents wanted me to complete my studies, and i saw His word amazingly. He ask me to finish my studies and He knew that my parents wont allowed me to quit, and yeah my father did allowed me to work, but slowly i will build my future, the future that belongs to my God.

my passion for joining my part time job is the same as my nursing part. and through Wendy i saw something. why must be her? because she's an nurse lol! difference is only i am a male and she's a female haha=D. tired as i am everyday, struggling to wake up from bed everyday, yet i still commit to find a lot of work for myself to do. currently i am holding three things, ECP progamming, part time job and nursing education. like what others said, i may not want to be a nurse after i finish. everyday 12 or 1am to 6am, my sleeping time. praise God that i am still able to able to hold on. and by God's Grace i am trying to help overall in charge, more work, more commitment hurray!

throughout my life journey, all i wanted is to outreach to people, and save them. =)

between two, because one is too structured while one is flexible. more to come woo hoo.
trying my best to break Singapore's merit system, be a leader, and more and more! woo.. going to be a busy man lol. a worldly poor and physically rich man lol. projects coming up, attachment coming up. what my body can gives is nothing but, it's my spirit is always buring with God's love. =) thank God.

Here i stand
Lord i pray.

May i encounter You, my God, everyday like sunday.

Leaders do what people do not understand. =)

2006-11-16T00:45:00.000+08:00

well well, everyday, suffering from lack of sleep, and poor body consitution, and today i skipped 5 hours of lectures. and till now i finally realised that nursing doesnt really suits me, in some sense.

what's my plan? keep you guys in mystery first.
but Abba ask me to study finish first if I am not that able to handle my worries. well well, my dear Father in Heaven, you have the best for me, and yes, i will take you have given to me, and i finally underestand the reason for not letting me to get the sponsorship, thanks my Lord.

thank you Lord for giving me such a good spiritual and biological family. My daddy, my brothers, uncles and yuppy strong faith grandfather! haha! =D.

Last Sunday, amazingly, i felt His heartbeat. He has told me the truth. Hallelujah! =). i felt the peace, sweet and wonderful feeling, serenity and calmness are observed. thus my soul rest. may my Lord forgives me. =)

it's too amazing to describe.
see it, visualise it, feel it, and you know. =)
allow me to align to Your heart. =)

Children is a blessing to all nations, they are descedants of Abraham, your brothers and sisters. try this out ba. make this world a better place. =) http://www.lightamillioncandles.com.

Leaders are special people.
whatever they are doing, you can never understand. =)

2006-11-16T00:44:00.000+08:00

The innocent victims of Internet child abuse cannot speak for themselves. But you can. With your help, we can eradicate this evil trade. We do not need your money. We need you to light a candle of support <http://www.lightamillioncandles.com>. We're aiming to light at least One Million Candles by December 31, 2006. This petition will be used to encourage governments, politicians, financial institutions, payment organisations, Internet service providers, technology companies and law enforcement agencies to eradicate the commercial viability of online child abuse.They have the power to work together. You have the power to get them to take action. Please light your candle at lightamillioncandles.com <http://www.lightamillioncandles.com> or send an email of support to light@lightamillioncandles.com. Together, we can destroy the commercial viability of Internet child abuse sites that are destroying the lives of innocent children. Kindly forward this email to your friends, relatives and work colleagues so that they can light a candle too.
Child porn... sure someone from above will take care these blessed children, Abba, have forgive them.

2006-11-05T23:34:00.000+08:00

today, tired.
stressed? kinda. =)

dependent on God?
Lord I dun want to be lead by others, i want to lead others!

and yup i wanna give thanks!

thanks to Him, my stomach disorder is recovering fast. my stomach can contain a lot of air, dunno why.. zzz.

a lot of things going on. i think yesterday was the worst or the day before.
the day before slept around 2am plus, then go to orh orh. 6 am wake up. then play maple a while before going out. however went to planet crush is like very early, then go and hav breakfast.

the afternoon is a fun one. we have our tribe family day!
it's so fun! got straw tower, team tent building, dodge ball and last but not least, pair soccer. and after that still got an hour of soccer, all very pro sia... zzz i am so noob lol, never been good at it lol. then after that, went for dinner at harbourfront hawker. white carrot cake is nice with chilli, and of cos "ramen"! not really ramen but it's handmade noodles. "auntie! jia men!" then was there sucking up all the noodles... makes me think of HG noodles and soup movement, a well flavoured bandung. sad no pictures. haha=D

after that, i went off first, and saw no bus, some more so many people waiting, then i called yilong to jalah jalah around vivo. super big, but nothing for us to shop, cos our pockets are... empty plus a lot of invisible "holes" lol. e-zone, to play with gabriel and found that, wow, all my brothers are good at gaming lol. gaming machines wahaha!

wah recently kinda stressed by ECP stuffs. because both my programme ICs dunno the games, and recent changes, cannot ask them to do much also. hope can get a rest soon, but even my Lord is not rest, why should I? because i am a human. everyone is different but within us, the Spirit of God is strong, depend on it, endless energy will be flowing through, determination is thus rise and the perseverance last.

Praise God that i talked to Chris today. a new breakthrough and yup i cant saw my mistake, till today, the dependence on God. i forget that everything will pass except Him, a human's view. change my new method of doing, everything places in God's hand, find myself in him again, and winning the lost souls of His.

okay i will stop here. cya guys around.

God bless and be thankful =).

never give up, for He has never given you up. =)

2006-10-31T20:38:00.000+08:00

my last post sounded kinda depth within lol.
finding back what i belong and what i was, and is. for i dun live in and for the past, but the present and future. everyday is a beautiful day. every lady is a beauty and yup all men are handsome, though i dun have much confidence in myself lol. anyway today though of a lot of personality, somehow, it's kinda wrong. everything has its different sides of face, good and bad.

an example, a pyramid, which has 5 faces, 4 side and 1 base. each face is so different from each other in the angle of light. when light is directly shining on 1 face, the others will be dark. this shows that, even when one is getting all the rewards do not forget people who is making effort at the back. it's because of the the 3 other sides and the base is supporting the one, which is being shone by light, that's why it can be shone by the light.

and yuppy! i want to gives thanks! =D

it's because of God's grace, and the leaving of the others, then i am be able to Chris's son. (though i dunno whether is it a good thing or not.) maybe my voice is being heard by God, God replied to me with His voice. Praise God, kinda funny though. i still remember that time i am asking myself when am i under wei min but not Chris. lol. lets hope Chris wont get angry when he heard this lol =X. or maybe it's all predestinied? i dunno. the feeling of seeing things left away but cannot do anything is real bad, especially when God entrust it under your hands and you lost it, thinking that you can never be accountable for that. however, i think it's all a type of training, if things are not being lost, how did the person, who lost the stuffs, treasures it? maybe it's a great price, but there's a valuable lesson within and i believe it's sure something behind it.
it may sounds like a humans' choices but, God will sure make something out of it for you to learn. winning and saving souls is certainly great, but to learn something from God is something more valuable than those things.

and by God's grace i found this family, a real gracious and loving family. everyone puts in effort, commitment, love, blessings, prayers, and the most important thing, is FAITH, especially faith from Christoper Fun.. hees! my a-pa again! so proud sia! haha!=D
Faith in God. the head of family must have the strongest faith otherwise, even the faith within the members are stronger, the family will still fall apart, because the head has lost hope, and the rest will slowly dies off, like a kerosene lamp without much oil left. His faith for Yilong to return is still burning, and of course mine too! =D * wah not bad sia, my faith can stand with him =) hees!=D*

compared to other cells, ours is a real good one. most of the spiritual leaders seems to fall away when they are busy with work, however, Chris still make out time for that, Praise God that He refreshes Chris's soul everything. Hallelujah! =D
appreciate that, man, Dad! =D

ah! also thanks my brothers and my real daddy, that they drives this lazy me to school everyday, haha! God bless them!

those who are having illnesses and just recovered, jia you wor.. God is with you guys, no longer you will feel weary, and you will be refreshes by Lord.

Lord
i longed to see Your Face,
may Your Glory fills Our place.

everything will fall in place, everything will begin,
Because of the simple faith that i am simply believing in You =).

~ a leader, nuturing and building up lives, submitting and follow to His ways, having a revolutionary mind of ideas! ~

2006-10-29T20:18:00.000+08:00

tired and fatigue. hope my soul will be able rest later. =)

well this week has been good. nowadays busying with church stuffs. they said everything i do alone, but they didnt come and listen they know what to do ma? everyone is always busying with their stuffs. out of them, i seems to be the most free de.

though a lot of parts of my life is still unable to fix, i believe that as time goes, every step will present an answer. for now, i will like to see the world. how the world is like, how is the people living doing and yup kinda affected by that. affected by looks, materials, freedom of life, pleasure, characteristic and behavior of human beings, and yup kinda sick to stick with life, keep following and given instruction to do my stuffs, do do do, follow follow follow... but still need to thank God for the journey mercy =).

dun ask me what to do, because when you guys everytime ask me what to do, i also dunno. first thing i am afraid of giving instructions, then if something went wrong, i scared being scolded by a whole group of people, then i sianz the whole day. secondly i am not leader. i know my boundaries, and yup to a certain extend of our nursing career, there's some parts we cannot, and to me, i seems to be bothering too much stuffs le. time to let go some? i think so. =)

past few days, i have been reflecting, i am kinda lost, dunno what to do, i dun wish my life just sleep, study, eat, work, study, eat, work, sleep. kinda plain and nothing much, and i think it's time for me to get hold of my life. waiting for God to drop something from heaven is possible, but you have to wait long long~, that is something i dun like, wait. patience i sure have, but do allow me to have the time to "digest" all my patience pills to absorb the power of patience before i can have the patience to wait for you.

somehow, hope, determination, and some more stuffs kept flashing in my mind and heart. I believe that is something from God, sure it is. to get hold back my life, i will like to try something destructive like torturing people? maybe or not.

i was talking to yilong recently about some stuffs between religions, especially christianty. only christians can be together with christians? has it become so common that it has turned into a trend? why must our leaders do that? what is the purpose at the start of love? why is man so practical when comes into relationship? knowing that even the relationship does not belongs to both but God and whole family, but why people is using as a goal to be together? if only people under the same church are working towards the same goal and must have the thrive for God's work, then can be together, where are real reasons, real feelings behind the relationship? if feelings cannot be trusted, where are the things behind marriage? and marriage is just simply for multiplying? if feelings can be made up and nuture within marriage, what is called true love? if like all people, dun need to have marriage? even better, save money. Jesus just died once to set us free, so?!

what i sensed is that there's no God inside in these questions. it's mostly human desires, pleasure, fun and short being-felt-loved-feeling moment. there's no need to relationship, and i dun like to say that, but that's the truth, but after all, we are human. i dun like to the feeling of hardening of heart of saying these, and say that God can do everything for you, He can provide that everything to you. amazing? i wrote that all myself and i am rebuking myself lol. sounds contradicting though.

after all, it's all human perspectives. no one will know it at the end of the day, can you think what God is thinking? what is inside the bible is just a part only, not too little for human to understand and appreciate, not too much for human to understand how much is His Wisdom. this is simply amazing. =)

as a human, I cant do much though lol.
simply submitting to You.
knowing Your heartbeat.
thanks Lord for Your Grace, Love, Faith and everything.
guide me slowly to You. =)

~ a leader, nuturing and building up lives, submitting and follow to His ways, having a revolutionary mind of ideas! ~

2006-10-17T21:56:00.000+08:00

woo hoo! something that we eat yesterday.. of cos there is more!!
more than what you see now!

here come the food!~

some sort of wanton but the sauce is made up of chilli oil and vinegar! oiishi desu!

fried rice cake with jin hua huo tui(ham)

fried onion "la mian", taste like mee goreng from instant noodles but it's really good... simple and flavourful! =D

beef with spring onions!

my zha jiang "la mian"!! but gabriel he dunno chinese and say, "la mian", hot noodles=D. finish le!

fried banana fritters with honey! and now what you see was service crew quickly putting them in cold water to cool down the honey... freezing the honey... or sugar.

then we go into another japanese restaurant... for ice cream!=D

mango sundae! ice, ice cream, mango around the bowl and real mango juice!

*cling cling cling* icyy....cream! vanilla ice cream with green tea sauce and sweet potato with red bean paste! =D

today zzz...
the lamer play with our minds together lol.

oh ya this is a video from project mooncake. gabriel, nyklus and say sern! =D
really short one though...they are practising the song.. lol! enjoy! =D

another one!

cya guys around! =D
May God bless you guys! =D

Faith is Something You rely on , Live on. =)

2006-10-16T23:41:00.000+08:00

my soul finds no rest.
dunno what happened. yes my body is tired but my soul really finds no rest. i cant really go into deep sleep. something must be troubling me.

most probably is my work ba.. i dunno. trying to turn in earlier these few days ba. i tried one way which is listening to worship songs. maybe under God's presence, which is sweet and pease, then my soul can rest. what is keeping me so uptight? maybe becos of sch ba. well well hope tomoro will be better.

today is a great nice night. Chris, Joy, Gabriel, Kenneth, Benjamin, Terence, James, Michelle, Annabel and of cos lastly, me went for dinner. it was a great one, whether is it a fellowship or not i dun care, i just hope everyone is happy, and hope the convenant of God is over us. there's a lot of great food, and yup, they just keep ordering... woo especially is the bananas fritters with honey. it seems kinda special to us. when they bring forward to us, they have to separate the fritter quickly and place them inside cold water lol. it turns out quite good. maybe some parts of the ingredients they have overused in flavouring but overall it still taste kinda good. but really have to praise the Lord, that those who were hungry didnt have gastritis lol, and certainly He has blessed us with plentiful through papa Chris haha!=D! okay when i am free sure i will upload the pictures....

well cya guys around. =)

may my Father in Heaven look over His people,
and bless them with plentiful! =)
May Your Wings embrace us,
and let our souls find peace in your presence =)

2006-10-11T23:52:00.000+08:00

the future generation is full of dangers. saw how they con my maple items lol. not really argue about that but you know something? the maplesea game, since it's a virtual world, and most of the people playing, they are young kids, the future generation. though they can deny that they will not do the same in the society, i think it's important for the present generation of youths eradicate the thinking, and the best is to root off and mould their lives.

people said that maple world is nothing, but i believe there's something, it's something complicated. within the world it shows a lot of youths' thinking, how smart, cunning, and the good within them is diminishing. i believe this not something i saw only. there are also a lot of people saw that also, yet why there's no one helping except the christian organisations and some associations helping out??!! =.=!

i thought of a plan but it's going to take a long time, and requires a lot of people's help. the first thing is about the way that people communicate. words are very subjective to each of us because most of us are individual beings and have different personalities. and others... blah blah blah... lol. not going to talk about this here haha =D. of cos within the people sure there have good qualities =), but only a handful =(. well well there's something towards the future.

i hope i can protect the gal i know maple. not really to protect her everything, but at least guide her on the way, maybe she wont accept it, well i will try my best to guide her, because she's someone who is alive. Love her, guide her, protect her and bless her, like what Chris do for me, like my Father in Heaven do for me.=)

today, reflection day,time to get back my senses.. and how many times have i said it? oops..lost count =X! haha =D. i will think back oftenly. how my Lord has warned me the traps i am walking towards. there's actual ways to avoid it. yesterday Yilong kept warning me and today, actually i wanted to go for a badminton exercise but becos of not enough rackets, in the end i didnt went. and everything took place smoothly, i dunno whether is it a good thing for Yilong not to play but i am certain of something, i will have one good helper less for my plan.

people inside are selfish and self centred. all they wanted is just to level up and compete with the others, but at the end of the day, they will still lose out to their compeititors or die lol, because they ended up paying more money from their own pocket money*starve themselves* or steal from their parents, camp at the com the whole day. a typical gamer will camp their computer for around 10 to 12 hrs per day. while mine is still consider mild, because i mostly played around 7 to 9 hrs, which i still consider a waste of time=(.

dear readers, if you think you are very free, try to go to bukit merah, the building beside and is connected to the hawker centre, level 5 or... 4...forget le.. lol =D! to planet crush. you can take a lift up, and when you reach there, just turn or right and you will see it! it's a good place. =) you can play games, maple, cs and dota.. somemore it's free leh! of course! there's a time limit, 3 hrs and you can do a lot of things and interact with your enemies and frens. understand your enemies well and strike them back hees!

well well, learn how to tolerate and bless His people. often wanted to cry for the people why they are like that and like that, but i will try my best not to never harden my heart, otherwise it's hard for me to feel His heartbeat and plan for His people, and of course, gone into the wrong way.

Love Him,
Love His people. =)

Faith is believing something when the world tells you otherwise. =)

2006-10-10T00:49:00.000+08:00

today... a good day =),
it's always been good, Praise Lord. everyday different lessons were learnt. today learnt how to handle rejections, hope my endurance and tolerance level is rising everyday. and yeah felt my heart is kinda heartened, or it's already heartened. no longer tears in my heart crying for His people, but for myself and yes Lord i repent... =)

Praise the Lord.
Maybe my Lord only my Lord knows what happening. yeah that anoymous is me =D. not my blog but hers =D. not funny i know =D. didnt really go for other gals after left her, until she had a bf and yeah... everything is finally over le.

still dun know why my Lord stopped me?
maybe becos i will still continue to hurt her?
maybe she will become someone who loves God better?
maybe God is dragging me away from this forbidden relationship?
maybe God is dragging me away from sin?
or there's something better for me when time comes?
or maybe there's somemore others? i dunno.

go away rainy days =D!
okay.. time to stop all my nonsense le... must stop!
kiss goodbye to all relationships! *think it's time to get that book le,hees!*

reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject reject.
whahaha!! =D

trust Him, submit to Him, obey Him, develop myself for Him,
and yeah, thanks Lord He has changed me from a super sadist to someone who is soft hearted guy... Praise His Name to the Highest!! Hallelujah! though it's kinda struggle, by God's Grace I will make it! how? i dunno. maybe He uses someone to rebuke the evil soul out of me.

oh ya! realised something. the route i choose for myself in future, give me the hands of destruction and hands of healing. with my both hands, i can heal one's wound however, with the same pair of hands, i can destroyed one's life. i could just simply uses my hand to make a wound on the person's skin, tear the skin wider to allow my hands to go in and do more damages to the person's body*woo sadist=(*. but thanks God, for your trust on me=). He, who is good, knows and gives man the chances to change, and when man wanted to does evil, He will always have ways to destroy or stop the person, make one to repent but of cos, still has to suffer his own consequences.

Praise Him*though the feeling not there=(*
Hope I am still holding onto You.=)
If I didnt, =(
please bring me back to You =)

2006-10-08T22:24:00.000+08:00

woo hoo.. what a tired week. not much rest and still can play maple.. zzz.
time to control le. things are flowing in nowadays. i just cant sleep well recently. maybe too much things going on le. restless ba.

today a kinda good day. though yesterday came back late home, like around 2:30am, but still managed to catch some sleep around 3:30am(you know what i am doing? mapling!... waste of time.zzz) very sad, a game makes so stupid that i fell deep into it, and now feel like chionging lol. while others ask me why so chiong about maple, they themselves are also in depth within. haha, it seems like they are even worse. and i found something addicting. it's the world ranking in maple. it's because of parents' typical behaviour, which is comparing, now they make the game very competing, and everyday, i will kanna called noob for once because of my low level. often i found myself loss of words to fight back. steal kill from me, and ya bad things keep happening on me. it seems like i am too free =D.

actually i go into maple because i hoped i can really saved them out from there. yeah. but of course to go into relationship, which is something quite off too lol. i was actually going in, hoping i can found a target and i found a gal lol. Praise God. her interest in maple seems like it's fading... lol.

i found her special. yeah, she is someone you can talk to, and she dun mind to lend her your listening ear. simple minded and yeah, smart. something i like about her. hope she doesnt know i like her haha =D. she has a lot of problems for one, but she doesnt have the abilities to plan and yeah, hardly any abilities to solve questions which requires planning. something i do not hav also, cos most of my solutions can only solve the present situations not the future problems that might arise from my solutions. woo~! something new for me to learn. she helps to bring back who i am. rough and straightforward guy haha.

who i am? i lost myself long ago by the confrontation of my class. be aware of what i do and what i say, i must be so careful that i cant miss a thing, which is a tough thing for me to fulfil. ahh tough training but i will make it, by God's Grace, Power, Strength, Wisdom and Love! alone in school is quite helpless, really, especially when you saw you are the odd one out and all seems to be against you, or your idea. to counter them is not easy, you can make a flawless plan to counter them, but of course your plan must be flexible, must be adaptable to all situations, because they can out witted you easily, since guys are the minority. zzz =.=!

today at church was great, Lord's supper leh! once in a month only leh! and felt kinda honoured... thanks God for His Grace.=). reently very stressed. the power struggle between two women in my heart... both give me a feeling of security but only one will stand out. or i dun choose now. really helpless now, and normally i have the modern answer, find God lo. =D. ironically i have the answer yet i screwed things up myself zz....

today something quite miraculous happened. in front of the stage there are spotlights to make the ambience for worship. somehow, it randomly shone onto my cross, which supposedly to be inside my tee, i took it out and the light shone it. As i was trying to make the cross to have the full ray of that small light, that light suddenly seems to talk to me and make me realised something.. the cross i have now, are supposedly to have a dark drawn cross inside. some how one day i washed it away, which is the day that Dylan rebuked my soul and spirit. i was crying in my heart saying, "my Lord, i wanted to surrender everything to you, and i will humble down," and so that day, i offered Him my darker side, that i used it to fight back the world. also, it's that day i washed the chain and the black drawn cross was being washed. =). though the dark part of my spirit is a small portion, it affected my life greatly.

after the black part was washed away, you can see distinctively there is two layers. inner and outer. the outer cross. is like a secure blanket, just to protect myself, using God to protect myself, which i am totally wrong, taking His Blessing to protect myself to hide my dark side. though is well hidden, it has broke out after Dylan told me. how strong is my dark side? i dunno, but most probably is towards inhumane, and yup sadist =D.

the Cross i have is designed like this: one small and thin cross carved in the centre of a big cross and behind is flat. i realised that, no matter what is showed in the front, the back is always the same, like God's Love to everybody is equal at the end of the day, like the way He treat us. Just asked and you will be given =).Praise God =)

Tired and Weak, I found You.
Holding You tightly,
may My Walk with You is nothing,
but Just to
love Your People. =)

2006-09-27T16:42:00.000+08:00

attachment over and now 3 weeks holiday.... kinda bored at home though.
wanted a 2x exp card for maple a lot wahaha! cos now chionging games while i still can, otherwise cant really do much at home... except slacking.
though is holiday, some how my soul and body cannot rest well, something is bothering me... hmm.. seems like a strong force is disturbing me... lol! not that case.

recently busy with something for mooncake... oh ya... from here can tell you guys =).

my buddies and me came together and planned out a mooncake fiesta on this coming saturday, 30th september. 6pm and lates is 10pm. there will be goodie bags and yuppy! of cos the main thing is lantern! the location is at bukit merah. there are a lot of bus services like, 198, 196, 147, 961, 855, 197, and more... woo! and yup try to contact if you wanna come. =) thanks guy!

of cos the previous and this week sure have ups and downs, making me very weak from everything, and also from God. work, relationships with all people. yup, a lot of things going on in my mind. make some fatal mistakes also, luckily was forgiven phew. yet there is some damages that takes time to heal.

things in this world are all inter-related. people around us, society, our parents, religions, peers and our companions, affects us and built us, mold our personality and characteristic. especially our peers greatly affects us. certainly we want to be our friends who treat us good and correct us. however knowing that each of us are different, guard your heart and listen to what they want to say about you. those you can take it one then listen but you cant accept then forget it =). doing this not for your friends but a better person for others to see, and of course something you can be proud of.

woo it's getting late.. going for my games!! =)
seeya guys later! =D

may my Faith in You always flow! =)

2006-09-19T23:15:00.000+08:00

thinking is always going on,
but finally got it through.

you see, God do things simply too perfect, so perfect and always reduce the damage to the lowest =). the pain for her is so on continue until it comes to now, it stopped. why? i just want to bless her as i continue with my life. well i dunno whether she got liking on that guy or not, but i am letting go, and yeah seems like i am going to break the promise again. haha.

until these days, i am able to finally get hold on my words =). yeah and so, i won't break it this time. yeah i teared but i will still bless her and also, i think there is someone who is better than me who can take care of her, and treat her better than me. haha=D. and i will be there secretly praying hard. haha =D. and yeah she will be my past. not i dun want to be with her, maybe becos of age, maybe becos of marriage, she will get married around 28 while i will getting married around 25.

well well, i dun wish my wife to suffer too much during her pregnancy, and i will want to spend with her more time personally, cos we both will be quite busy with work and no time is able to spare out because of God's work and commitment for work and us. so yup, haha =D...

but it's quite to find a lady from the world, or even in Christ, who is able to understand the importance of God's work. i try to find and seek, but so far to me, i dunno, i just think that ladies around my age will require more time to be with them, and i think they will sure quarrel with me that, "is God's work more important than me?!", blah blah blah, that's why need a mature and understanding woman. taking care of women who is elder than you doesnt mean you are a good boyfriend and means you are more mature, but understand what do the women need is the most important ba. =).

many thoughts have been always flashing through my mind, and ya, recently i just realised that yeah there is a lot of lady friends who cared for me and treated me well. let me see... like... rach! yeah she is a good friend. sent messages to say good morning, and concerned me in some ways, though not too many. and yeah i always appreciate that, cos i dun think i am a stone hearted person and always taken things for granted. maybe my mood just not that right these few days ba haha.=D sorry to those who i have showed attitude haha. but i hope the way i show my emotions is not visible haha =)!

since my mind is opened once again, time to squeeze it lo!! =D

today, my cubicle there is a patient who is bedridden for sometime le, and you can see the patient's wife is crying. however, i cant do anything. very sad to see that. that tells me how weak a life can be. and you can see the patient's both eyes looking at his wife. i dunno whether that's the right thing but i try to write out the patient's feelings. hope i dun cry. =).

the man is thinking,
" so sorry my dear. watching you crying for me yet i cant do anything. how i wish i can cry with you but my eyes and my body are dried. no longer my hands can wipe away your tears, give up your hope on me. i cant do anything except struggling, so please give up your hope on me..."
the man's eyes is looking at the wife helplessly. the wife thought that patient did not see that but he did, he just pretend to sleep.

phew luckily i didnt cry, kinda off to write this now. =). but i dunno what happened to me le. yes i do feel helpless to a human body, however i cannot show my emotional self, otherwise how am i going to help the patient's kin? =).

well well around there i am known for my childishness and... my "hero-ness"? lol dun care. whatever comes i do lo. and my anger has reached a higher level? i began to realise what is humble yourself le... you know when even you are strong, do humble because there is someone who is sure stronger than you and yeah, know your mistakes before others can make comments. I believe self attack is not as painful as others stabbed you, maybe because you know how deep you can stab yourself and know when to stop, while others maybe not =).

haha, that's for today. =)

yeah my God is Good, even though the World is Unfairness.
Hope My Faith on Him will never stop Flowing. =)

2006-09-17T22:07:00.000+08:00

wah... feel helpless.
dunno what to do.
today wanted to see how she perform for audition but didnt went. taking 105 to orchard le, then 15 minutes more to toa payoh leh. ya but i give up halfway, for i know if i love Lord, i may love her more? i dunno. and yeah i respect her decision since she has her brother with her. oh well~ =).

why is her name and "nil" in my dreams? i dunno must go and ask lo. hope can see someone like Joseph haha! the pendant is still at my house. i dunno what to do. smash it?it's a waste lol. guess i will still give it to her at the end of the day. when is the day? haha maybe the time when i leave the world =).

... no worries just a casual thought =P.

today God's word i have listened but there's an insecurity in me. dunno why. just that simple insecurity, i didnt think too much. and ya today Lord makes me stand more firmer in Him.

Guard Your Mouth. Voice
Guard Your Eyes. Vision
Guard Your Feets. Values

yeah. these stuffs. hope can guide me along ba. =)

heard that samuel enjoyed himself in new creation, well that's good. and yup, i just hope and will bless what people around me enjoyed what they are doing. erm... nothing much to blog today...
and ya!

jia you guys =). knowing that things that is ahead of your sight is a goal for you guys to achieve!
May Our good Lord bless you!

A simple Faith i used to Believe in You,
allow It continue to run and flow =).

2006-09-14T21:48:00.000+08:00

finally find back myself. what i am used to be. and of cos i am struggling with my flaws and weakness, need to remind myself again in the day and day, about what i have repented. and yeah, i began to judge again.

dunno whether is it judge or weighting stuffs out lol. something i dun like, judging others... woo.. but but. luckily it's not about judging people, but judging what is the best for my patients. yeah, something went wrong. lol. well my interview wasnt accepted, maybe i told them that the results is out 2 weeks later haha, but today is 14/9 and my results is out tomoro, 15/9, which is lesser 1 week from what i have said lol.

today, i finally found myself again. thanks to Nyklus and Chris. i am what i am. i can repent on my weaknesses and my bad points, something i can fo everyday. though maybe facing too much struggle ba, that's why i am stressed haha. =D. thanks Lord has placed such great leaders in my life haha. hallelujah! *finally got the spelling correct =P*. how imperfect Christian i am lol. well i am a human, that's not much i can do =D. especially, cannot stop what others want to think, what they want to eat, what they want to follow, what they want to do, and what they want to say. influence them ar...? maybe can try hehe =D.

i am a Simple man, living on Simple Life with a Simply Mind. dun ask for too much. just show and allow me to process it a bit, and Lord, just show me can le. just like you ask us to follow Your Words and not to think too deep. =). simple obedience pleases Him. =)

ahh here also want to thanks in maple, that it is she that awakened my senses. i am what i am, in the end i will still be my own personal way and style. yeah, be clear what you are in the past for the good side and change away the bad side, like the bad habits and whatever others told you is bad, cos it's often we cant see ourselves haha =).

if you are influenced by others please wake up!
how to see whether you are influenced or not.... hmm a question, ask your fren;
did you change a lot?

that gal in maple tell me yeah i changed a lot, my heart became hardened, and yup i became stricter. not to myself only but to others. well there is good and bad. i just realised i am becoming another person's image, the person's shadow. no no, that's the worst thing i can ever be. =D

that's me! haha=D

muahaha~ time to out reach lo... hehe! =D
may my Lord bless me in everything.

My Lord i placed my Simple Faith under You,
may this Simple Faith that i use in Believing Glorifies Your Name =).

2006-09-14T00:14:00.000+08:00

man are not what man are thinking to be.
like me, i am not what you think i am to be.
do stereotype me if you what.
always think that i am those kind of people who often "ps" people at the last minute. well though i have tried my best to change that weakness, but somehow people doesnt convince by that.
these below are my priorities. =)

God, my spiritual and biological family, my Love and lastly, friends =).

not saying that friends cant ask me out but, do tell me earlier =). advance book me lol, maybe you think i am too proud or what, but frankly speaking i am packed by my schedule, zzz. as long as i promised you or heng heng that day i am free, i sure will go out. otherwise i will tell you i cant go.

you can go ask dylan and rachel what is the most important thing for a Christian, and sure they will say it's God work. even that day she came late becos of cell dylan didnt say a thing. but on that day, it seems like no one appreciate it lol. actually speak truthfully i did have the feeling of not going but i know if i dun go, no one is going to take my words seriously anymore. you know what i am really stressed? i am stressed that not only to you guys i hav to account to, but also Chris! maybe for others' flaws and weaknesses i have no rights to speak. but i hope either both parties can dont tell me things that is so sudden for me to take. cos i am tired le, no longer that carefree and less freedom. well i will still try my best to mark my words, cos He taught me so. and though the Civics and Moral education does the same thing, but i have forgotten totally =).

let no man except those God set over you be your guide,
and let no one except God be your judge.

maybe the way of teaching is different. and the way of understanding is way too different. lol, no one knows. hope this two sentences guide me through =). man are different kinds and we are unique even in the way of thinking, others might hav thought others think too much, while they didnt realised that they also think a lot. =) a brain is for you to think, and i think the way i am thinking is that, i am always finding solutions, including being in the person's shoes and yeah stimulate a result and if cant, go for a break and try other ways out, personally =). thinking my way through, and of cos pray about that =D.

having Lord is kinda privileges. haha~ cos it's kinda peaceful in the cubicles that i am looking after and ya, there's also special patients too. maybe not too happening though. kinda fun but tired out easily =). hope my holidays is coming soon. and thanks Lord for putting a good example in my cubicles! hallelujah! =) Lord has blessed me =).

appreciating Your efforts for me,
Since the day I BELIEVE IN YOU.

2006-09-12T19:51:00.000+08:00

woo... today's a tired day.
yesterday went to gym just for some work out and went home for a badminton game, sleep around 6 hrs, and become so tired. maybe didnt rest well ba =). recently i have been collecting data about marriage. well some regretted and some have their reasons.

marriage is a part and parcel of our lives. but what i think is real tough about it is that, the commitment. how much your better-half loves you and how much are you truthful to her or him. well facing each other can be quite an annoying thing. somemore seeing each other for the rest of life is even worse. well some pursued for career insead of love, and some give up because they have no hope on love anymore. quite sad to hear that. no hope on love anymore...too much hurt? too much pain? i dunno. what i really see is that, everytime you find a new guy or gal, try to work something out, dun make your heart lose hope, treat each relationship like you hav your first love, though is hard, but try ba. it's the enthusiasim that pushes you both on. there will come to a point when the relationship has reached, nothing can proceed on and become a standstill. that's the part where both are to often appreciate one other's effort, however, both partners' efforts are often taken for granted, sad =(.

some others said that they have seen a lot of gals in other countries and saw the burden behind it. yeah i can understand that. just simply think about getting married takes you around 30k to 40k... a great sum for we, generation D, the generation of youths that are in debts, to take on. somemore, after that the money is used for kids'education and their living expenses. woo, that's a lot man. lol. but i am still looking forward to it ba. cos it's a special training where both are together to train a generation of youth that is stronger than their parents, like the spiritual leaders are training us to be stronger than them. and Lord i want double portion of what my spiritual father hav, muahahaha! hope i dun misuse it =P.

well well there is a lot of burden. somemore singapore stuffs are getting more expensive day by day wor. high standard of living... how to cope up with this World? lol =) hope the world can find rest in His Presence and His Place. maybe that's the reason why i always tired out and fall asleep during sermons, but i dun think it's a good reason =D, okay i repent =).

hope i can finish the stars tonight then send it through post to her by tomoro lol =D.

well my Lord, who knows me better than You?
haha~ thanks Lord,
I hav nothing but this Simple Faith Honouring you, Believing in You and Loves Your people. =)

2006-09-11T22:20:00.000+08:00

think think think. that's the best i can do.
i admit i dun dare to act, so? big deal... lol.
for those who know me, they know i am one who say things and dare to do it.

if you think it's disgusting, then rethink about that.
for you who love someone, do you dare to hurt that person more by putting this into public?
and some more since you like or love that person, won't you protect her at all cost, all arounded?

let me show you since you guys cant understand. =)
you like that person, you tell the whole world.
the person may reject you or not, it's up to individual. but the think of the consequences ba. i may hurt that person, mentally, emotionally and all other areas. instead of protecting him or her, you hurt that one who like, how is the person going to face the world? people will ask her,"hey this mr blah blah likes you a lot." he or she replys, "whatever, it's just the person's wishful thinking", and you got hurt. even the person likes you, she will run away from you, may be he or she is shy or what.
at the end of the day, either both or one of the party will got hurt. of course there is more, but the most important thing for we human beings are pride, and once our pride is hurt, we will try our best to protect ourselves, and we closed up our doors to people. that's very sad =(.

everyone is different =).
maybe you, you and you are open, but some may not. may be Lord is not with them. and who are you that should they be open? everyone is unique and special. though we may think FAMILIAR ways out, we may not have the SAME ways out. everyone's thinking is different. like what sam says, be sensitive and have a thought of others, put yourself in their shoes =).

feel like swearing and cursing though lol =).
but under God's eyes, this is counted as slandering , and so i will never do it, or i will try my best =). i have hurt others' feelings and i repented. none of you guys understand better than both Christopers lol, and or my Father in Heaven.

i dunno about what you guys are thinking, but this world isnt something easy ba =). do think about what our ministers said.
there is once when two countries are coming towards war, the minister said that, "we will not help out the country being attacked", but this sentence also said that they will also may or may not helped out the country who is attacking, since the minister knows that either helping both sides may cause our nation to have a conflict in Asia or maybe other parts of the World. you will never know =).

well of cos there is more for me to learn, that's why i am always learning =).
since the day i was put near my god daddy, my mind is unlocked, with Chris, wah! the effects enlarged! and yeah there are 5 people impacted my life greatly.

Chris Tan, Chris Fun, Rayan, Dylan and lastly, Wendy.
some hav past through life with death, with Christ, with the World, nevertheless, the first 3 are the ones who really impacted me greatly. yeah and from here! to my both daddies, thanks =)! and Chris Tan my dear Ah gong! ganbatae wor...! i want to see your children and your tribe to raise and be stronger.

well you never see His Name is here? of cos, it is because, His Name, Jesus Christ, my Father in Heaven, is far front than these names haha! =D and yeah, He enlightened my mind through these lives that presented in front of me. seeing what they are having often warns me=). hallelujah! Praise God taht He place these "alarms" in my life. woo hoo!~ =)

who knows me better than Him? =)
Believing Him with my Simple Faith =)

*EDITED*

Life is like chess and an instruction manual.
Lord has put in His Word what to do and not to do.
thinking for others are like defending one who are being attacked and countered the attacker with one stroke to knock him out straight! =)

2006-09-10T00:32:00.000+08:00

today... dunno feeling happy or.. depressed?
happy becos she's here today for the party, yeah she finally got a bday cake for herself le =). something she missed her 21 years in her life?! lol i also dunno. this is her 21st bday so must celebrate, cos that bday on that year is something very special in our lives. there is only once bday for your age at that year, so try not to miss it.

ah talk about bday!~ just reminded me of what our Pastor said. some christians had said that we cannot celebrate bday. but i dun think so. have you ever wondered that why christmas, the day when Jesus is Borned, is on our calender 25th december? i dun think anyone can answer that, since that took place, since before you and i are being "released into the world" from our mum's wound...? why cant it be on sept 1st? why cant it be at Jan 1st? they are the first day of the month and so, there are always chimes from churches to celebrate for Jesus' birth, which is even better and of cos, nicer =).
things and events took place in different times under the planning of God. for me, i dunno whether all are miracles from heaven, i will choose to believe some and not to believe some, cos they might not mainly focused on me only. God may use me as a blessing to the others, who knows? you maybe the next one too ;).

well well there can be a lot of possibilities and things happening on her and on me. whatever so, i will never mind about it and of cos i must have an open heart to everything. she may like another guy who is more handsome, able to commit to her, able to dotes her more, able to reach her place faster,live closer to her, able to talk to her with security and of cos, more mature than her and always know what she wants, more gentleman, and whatever so lol.

for me? i still dunno what's ahead. of cos i will still keep a lookout. i may not have the whole heart for the gal who likes or loves me, but as long as i am with her, i will keep the promises i have given to her, for my Lord has promised me what i wanted, so being a son of God, must alway do the same. things are always easy to say but when taking actions is always the toughest.
today is a good example =D. there should be 9 names on the list to help out yishun eldercare today but in the end, only 5 turned out.

today of cos, i am kinda regretted that i didnt go for cell group, cos yi long is also there! hallelujah! Praise the Lord! but i did something that i was happy of. putting God's work at first and learning is the first in my priority list, somehow, i am able to weight the difference.
let's see! =)
today i go for the BBQ party. i won trust of people but i lost His teachings. there's give and take in Lord's eyes. sure there is sacrifice. His teaching is important, but i believe He will like to see more people being touched by the salvation that Jesus Christ gave on the Cross! A~men!! =). maybe i have lost something becos i didnt go for the prolonged cell group but i have gained something instead =D.

thank you Lord Father!
Your effort will not gone into drain.
may You bless her, me and all people who are related to me, around me,

in each moment I Believe in You. =)

2006-09-08T23:05:00.000+08:00

today, felt very helpless =)
i didnt forget that God is with me, but kinda ashamed and guilty that about myself and things i have done. dunno what happened to me, it's like a type of helplessness in me.

i have lost my laughter, my joy within Lord, manipulating of my emotions.
but i never lost the touch from Lord, even though almost. phew! kinda close to that =P.
i have been always believing that Lord is with me, draw close to Him and He will draw close to you.

hallelujah! Praise the Lord. time to be a decisive man lo! able to put down things and make decisions, of cos never regret that. i just dun like others say that, "hey this guy give up of her becos of God." and yeah that was the start... and that will also be the ending. finiding my sense of security back in Lord, i hope i can learn ew things again from Him. I will take back all my abilities that my Lord has given me.

well i am kinda happy that today a patient told me, " he bring joy to work". how wonderful can that be =D. able to put that hypocrite smile under my feeling of confusion and depressed was my ability. maybe i felt secure when working with my partners! what great partners i have. they really give me sense of security in my work and make me stand back... thanks guys! =)

muahaha! back to what i am in Lord's eyes. for my Lord is gracious, i am allowed to be what i am again, for my sense of security not being found in man but in my Father in Heaven, Praise His Name at the Highest... woo hoo!

geez it seems like i took and wasted too much time on it. time to get back to life. and yeah if i fall again, sure next time i will find ah pa out! =D
of cos between that i learnt a lot of things lol. really a lot. maybe there's more for me, but i guess what i am seeing is the basic. well everything still must get to basic, so i must make my basic sturdy enough for me to proceed on.

a relationship is a blessing.
a relationship is a commitment.
a relationship is compromising each other.
a relationship is something that you have to place your both palms up.
a relationship is not something that feed only to your selfish desires.
a relationship is not everything.
a relationship must be built from scratch.

only after all the commitment and other stuffs, then there will be love, but both partners must appreciate each other works, and that's when all sweet stuffs and blah blah blah comes in... lol. the future imagination cannot fills one.

i always asked those who have been hurt by relationships, and most of them say wait for the anointed one, right one. and everytime i heard this i felt like laughing lol. not meant to hurt those gals, but allow me to say this. what happened the one you married is not the chosen one from Lord, and does that mean that everything will screw up?if yes, the whole world will be a mess! hey gals, wake up!! if you think that is, nope you are wrong. let me tell you the truth, Lord will bless those who believed that Jesus died for them on the Cross.

maybe sometimes you need some fate to know that guy or gal, but mostly is on commitment, and those who think they are ready, allow me to ask you a question. are you ready to give up your everything for Lord, your family and your better half? =)

that will means a lot of things. less time with your family. Priortise our Father. and lack of sleeping time, so on and so for. there is a lot of things to consider. and do you believe that there is no need to go into relationship? i know the truth and i do believe. the Lord can give you anything as long as you asked. so asked Him to give you the feeling =).

there is actually no need for relationship. but i decided to give it a try again. i want to grow with that lady i wanted to be with, to bless her and take care of her. may sound selfish but that's me =). surely i wanted to repent on that cos it's selfish =). but there is something that is very important about the relationship. do not change the person's behaviour. you can slightly change it but everyone is unique and specially created under His Image, and of cos we are not perfect so dun ask for much. if can try to correct each other's bad points, and if cant compromise. =). though it may sounds easy but this requires a lot of trust and confidence within one.

wah 12:14... must blog fast.. otherwise no need to kun le... ehhh
today stopped here. there's still more tomorrow! woo hoo...!

the simple love i am holding is past to Him,
since i Believe in Him =)

2006-09-06T23:13:00.001+08:00

my heart is tearing badly.

dunno why. not temptation not anything, but it's simple a wake up call from my Lord.
a stop for old, a start for new.
a loud cry in my heart, so loud and hurt so much, yet so silent.
no one knows this pain.
wanting to be loved, wanting to love others.
the emptiness, it's so painful.

the cry is silent.

listen to Bai Se Feng Che.

is that happening to me?

i dunno.

i will just ask God,
my secrets are held within me, i wanted to release her!
why is this happening to me!! AHH!~

My Lord forgive if i am not being a good child, i repent Lord.
the Pain is very deep and it's leaving scars, but i believe in You.
May my Simple Faith and my Work Honours Your Name.
I will show others the Grace and forgiveness that You have given me at the Cross.

thank you,
no matter my faith on You is dropping,
I will still hold onto You. =)
For you are the only One i Believe =)

2006-09-04T22:51:00.000+08:00

for my Lord i am sorry.
that day really come and i repent Lord.
You give the way i wanted,
You hav proved me wrong.

but believing You was the right thing. phew luckily i didnt fly out of Your Word.
if i do, i repent, pls forgive me =).

these few days, are great, especially the few days after my Bday! on my bday day was plain, but after that was fun. saturday i went out with my parents. before that day was cell and discussing about some stuff for outreach, sometimes, i think it's a burden and trouble, it's always Chris Tan and Chris Fun. ahh.. Chrises, zzz. just dun like the taste. kinda falling away from God and Jesus Christ.

e way i am thinking is already wrong le. haiz. may my Lord forgives me.
recently got touched by my God. everytime i worship Lord with the song, "everything i need", my tears always flow. it's natural. maybe. i dunno =). especially when you know the lyrics and how the song flows, before you continue singing and knowing what is going on for next. and yeah, knowing what you are going to see...

that's what happening to me now. maybe i am not stable now or something, but Lord has kinda great plan for me. maybe? i dunno ba. preparing me something with what He has already in Hand. for all the past and reflections, i knew i am wrong. finally He proved me, Praise the Lord! haha!=D was it a test for perseverance? was it a test for resisting temptatiom? i dunno. my Lord has blessed me though, but it's all over, and a new start, a real start. =) but before i can start anytime, there is a need to understand and know more people. there's more to come =).

hurting one and other will be necessary, but the pain can be reduced to the lowest. i am looking for someone to commit and be understanding, cos i will be busy with God's work, and also the commitment will be tough but it's a good time because for both to love each other more, treasure each other more =).

maybe i am wrong but i hope not =).

My Lord has Blessed my Days, but that doesnt end here.
I know my Lord will Bless my people, especially those who love me, bless them Lord!

the day You hav blessed me,
is that Day i Believed in You,
with my Little Faith that pleases You. =)

2006-09-02T00:09:00.001+08:00

certain decisions comes to life you have to make. and yeah, painful and costly prices. though what may make it seems to be bad turns out to be good. and so dun regret what you hav made.

till now i finally realise that, hey... your mum is so fat, that when she jumps, shegotstuck!=D nah not this.

what comes out of your mouth holds your frens. make your words responsible, thus you can win people through actions. practise the way of our Father through His words, as He promised us that we will produce descendants like the stars above. and yeah indeed He made His word. Praise the Lord! Promises are made not to be broken yet man broken it and as long as man repent, he is forgiven, as our Lord knows that man is unable to keep onto rules.

what you are doing are forming your foundations. a relatioship also. you can see a lot of beautiful things at the back but between there is no commitment at the start, that's all folks lol. it's like the Christian walk wtih Jesus Christ. =). there are some parts of the rules cannot be broken by man, words by man once it's said out, it cannot be taken back unless our Father breaks it. and since man created the laws to control the nations, and man's laws are imperfect, they can be broken.

thank you Lord for these lessons.
Believing is the road to know Jesus Christ, Our Saviour!
and this simply please God,

when others and I begin to BeLIeVe in Him. =)

2006-09-01T00:19:00.000+08:00

what a great day! blog this around 12.15am! woo hoo.. excited to send ah pa off even though there is attachment tomoro haha! =)

somehing i learn from something today.
it's easy to spark off, and well it's up to one's mindset. it's really depends to individual. and yup for me, it's hard!=P okay an example. =D
a wet morning, when i was waiting for a bus,the seat was wet, and i didnt noticed a thing. a guy who sat there just said the seat was wet, and so yeah, i said nvm, since i dun care anyway haha! the funny thing is, do you encounter someone who dunno you and will help you? for me yuppy! it's my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ. often this kind of scenerio, even either both of us go a bit more further, we could become frens and in the end, best frIends of friends haha! little care and concern can spark off something. it's like chemistry in relationship. spark here and there, poof! best friends hAHA!

well things dont end here too.
visiting teachers after my secondary school was a rare thing for me to do. well a voice asked me to go and see that. it's a rewarding and fruitful day. i just dun want to regret at the end of the day that ya, that every old teacher i miss since after i left school, and it's my part to visit them and giving them the same respect that they should have. missing them was a thing but dun want to regret at the end of the day. cherish what you hav, and yes i done that. but my life journey is still long, so... ya there is more for me to practise it =).

seeing the great achievement between the teachers and student was yeah, a good thing. though the schol may not gaining much control of the students, today was a great day to show thei appreciation.

this is what i learn from Chris, my dear ah pa!. things have to relearn and to renew. not only it refreshes your memory, also it is to pick up new things within the way from experience that we are learning and passing. the way of life, is so wonderful~it's indeed God's grace by doing that.

is it a temptation, or learning, was it for both of them, which is certainly not?
let us see things as time goes by =). praise Lord! =)

thanks God for being part of my life everyday!
Continue to believe and loving all the people,

for my Lord is good to me better than everyday,
SINCE THE TIME I BEGAN TO BELIEVE =).

blog blog blog!

2006-08-30T23:59:00.000+08:00

finally free to blog le~ woo hoo!

wee~ so much things going on these few days. attachment holds the most lol. nursing skills were being practised and yup, all types of smells. for any below information that you are going to read, pls do not eat before this becos you might vomit out, or i suggest you to eat before this lol.

well well, there's a lot of things to learn man. but it's about serving people, that's why i love it a lot =D.

measuring the volume of cup and teacup. and well gross stuffs wanna hear out?

washing patients' penis and body. body yellowish discharges, and vomit smells not that bad, just stale. and yup just now going around in NUS, the smell seems to be lingering in my nose.

the feeling is special =D.
you smell it the first time, you will stunned. after that, you will used to it. of cos you will come to a point where you feel like vomitting so i advise you, have your food digested before going up=D. geez, the smell seems to be in my nose haha, cant breathe too deep lol. smell like my nostrils is working very well, able to filter and stopped that stale smell.

second one.
urine smell. ahaha! =D
speak truthfully, they all smell almost the same. you think i am insane keep smelling those kind of stuffs? =D not i want to but it just came to my nose automatically haha. kinda gross out. haha!!!

third one.
really tired in these days. really tired out.
spirit is willing but body is weak, found this verse at later chapter of Matthew. indeed it is true. sleep may seems to be a waste of time. but certainly there is pros and cons. no one knows. now my spirit is holding my drive to sleep. my body is shivering already since it's 12:54am le. woo hoo! i just realised the difficulty in serving two. and that's the price. often i also felt tired in serving both God and the World. what seems to me is that, it's like a burden for me to do GOd's work, and i believe everyone has that struggle(even think for the spelling is also very tough for me now lol) for just yesterday, i slept the whole evening to next morning. but of cos at the mid of the sleep my stomach is already rumbling lol. holding to the morning, whole body is shivering like now. woo... =.=! seems like my legs stepped on lemons lo. very "suan" wor. haha =D!

sometimes it's quite disheartening to hear that hey, serving God there is no rest de. yup yup, indeed, however, think for our Father in heaven, since the sinning of man started, He has never stopped working, even it's sunday, the 7th day! the difference between us are we are man and He is God. who can give us rest since He didnt even hav? i didnt ask you to be God-like but do tried your best, or maybe give up your life fir Him. dun worry much for your family but responsible for your actions, for the Lord will help those who help themselves, and He has great and wonderful plans for them.

haiz tomoro still must wake up early, but that's my job, and i will always try my best, and also i want to watch say sern performance! waha!

Believing may be simple in saying,
but it's the time and facts challenges you!

may my Lord watch over her!
Cos I simply BELIEVE YOU CAN DO ON ME, YOU CAN DO IT ON HER! =)

2006-08-27T19:57:00.000+08:00

well there's a lot of stuff going on, recently too much.
God's works, schoolwork, and all stuffs. too much.
though so but still kinda glad Lord's with me, haha.

you may look down on me, despise me, dun look down on my age,
i am speaking life to those who are older than me.
i challenge you evil one, you may corrupt people souls and even mine,
i will still get my feet back again, but at the day of judgment,
you will be sent to abyss, eternal hell. blessed our Lord's name at the highest! =)

ah today has been a day, just missed her a bit but missed my Lord a lot. and i feel like my emotions are kinda up and down. haha. and yup, a lot of things happening around changes my thinking. for example, samuel says God dun help people who dun help themselves. yeah indeed but only to a certain extent. these words can drive a man crazy, if one dunno how to control. =D today i finally let down all my stress in His place, my worries and my woes and of cos my tears. my tears came when the song "everything i need" is played. why? i think i depend on myself so much that i almost could not take it. and yup today, my Lord has tempted me. =)

so, if you think that you can stand from temptation, be careful that you dun fall. 1st cor chapter 10 verse 12 to 13. woo nice one. who knows me better than Him? lol.
it seems like He tempted me with gals who are better and beautiful than her. wahaha! Praise the Lord! i have overcomed it but i think there is more to come haha. Lord will provide you a way for you to stand under it, and yeah, i understand why she's like that le. thanks Lord =).

I am searching for the sense of longing for God. may my Lord leads her and me to Him, like what He does to me today =). the bonding.... hmm haha! foresee... and change the destiny!
Praise Lord!

Lord i just want to commit my time under Your Hands,
and dun forget the promise of Your Grace. =)
i will continue to love her and commit myself in you.
in most of the fallen times i will still hold onto Jesus,

IT'S BECAUSE I STILL BELIEVE THAT WHEN I AM FALLING AND AWAY FROM YOU,
YOU ARE ALWAYS BESIDE ME =).

2006-08-27T00:33:00.000+08:00

what are we in Christ?
servants.
what so good about being a servant?
serve Him, His people and be free from sins.
what is good things can we gain from His salvation?
His promises, His wonderful Love and His blessings.

I believe there's certainly more than that. for everyone in Christ is a great man of God. Lord loves us and cares for us. but somehow i will feel some rejections from it.

Be truthful this time =)
what so good being His servants? we have to listen to His Words and Commandments. yucks! i hate to follow rules. and some how ya, He will make a lot of obstacles within our way to our destination, our dream. He stopped me and obstructing me from getting even closer to her. but somehow i saw His Blessings. it's tired to follow His words. i am trying to keep all the rules and yup there are a lot of things going on in my mind. so much things to remind myself, such as not letting off my steam, dun put my eyes on other gals, be careful and be sensitive to what you are saying, be caring and always optimistic, read His Words, dun forget appointments, and lots more. still have to worry for my god daddy, my mum's problem(it will solve when i confirmed get the bond), my financial stability, my father, my brother, my younger sister, my spiritual brothers and sisters, though quite ashamed to say i concerned for some only, worried for my classsmates and my buddies, and there's more! can man be a bit simpler? i think yes. just love Jesus. =) it's heavy, you know. now need to recap and revise on my Nursing skills and practise them. ahhh~ =S

heard of Gu Jun Zuo Zhan?
it's by JY, Jun Yang. haha. this society has really went beyond our imagination. and well i am ashamed to say that our youngsters are still in La La land! haha =D!

*thinking what i have done and process of today!*

ah! morning went to Chris's house for cell. Spiritual Children, Baptism, major event, and lastly, time for Lord. woo luckily didnt forget! =P and yup yup! night went to Dylan's house for dinner! it's a nice dinner. tomato sauce spaghetti and chicken wings! simply yet delicious! though it's a fast night, but during the day i thought of some stuffs.

yes Lord, forgiven me for I have hurt her. But i just wanted to change the future for both of us! the road of life was given to one, on his both hands by Jesus when one are born. Praise the Lord for His Grace! A~men! i have chosen to hurt her, and now wanted to love her. i can confirm that day that i ask for separation, it's God's voice, a start of trials and obstacles that Lord had wanted me to go. Through out these days, i really have learnt a lot of things! "go away lust", "Lord i repent!" and yeah attention to others was so important. of cos there's more. resist temptation from other beautiful gals and blah blah blah. a lot man~! wahh... selah moments in my life seems to be a lot lol!=D

but something i really scare of. cos my emotion for her is now on and off. instability. zzz. trying to maintain. really wanted to rekindle but she doesnt want to give me the chance...? ahhh~ maybe she's still not ready. and all my brothers and buddies say to me,"you got a long time for you to wait". but i am willing =) becos my Lord is good. and what i found in her is also good. she has the X-factor that attracts me a lot and able to let me to wait long long! in fact all gals have a unique one! =)

is it a temptation to me when people talks about her things to me? she says yes, asking me to resist that. but i said no. my Lord has once asked me. and it appeared suddenly lol, really attacked me. answering the question wasn't easy. i asked my heart. is others who influenced you to love this gal or it's yourself who love this gal? i asked myself and i searched in my heart. and yeah, is it others tempted me? no, i just simply love this gal. others cant infuence my choice. hey she may not be the most the beautiful gal in others' eyes but she is in my eyes haha=). Qing ren de yan li qu xi shi =). i may not have the correct answer for the future but at least i have it now, right at this moment of my life and hoping it will last forever=). i placed both of my palms upwards and submissive to God's words! she doesnt belongs to me but Jesus Christ! others can only make me love her a little bit more, not make me to start to like her. at the end of the day, it's my heart that loves her, and eventually the influencing factor may cause my love for her to die off, and if that happens, this love should not be lasted till now =). why is this so? cos i chose to love her, one and only=). eh, me selfish hor? i feel kinda so. it's like trapping her, but i am not. she still can go for other guys and have my blessings! =) cos she doesnt belongs to me.

eh recently my heart kinda stoned le. tomoro have to go to church to soften my herat and asked Lord for a heart of flesh not heart of stone. =). and i am glad that my Lord has really held me tight, so tight that everyday I know He's always beside me, and say" Son be simple and do My Work, what you ask will come true as you commit yourself in it, for My Father in Heaven is Good." my efforts... hmm, do you guys believe that my rewards is always there but just that i dun claim it by my efforts? i know i have disappointed my Father in Heaven so much that, He wants me to put in just a little bit more of effort than others to get those stuffs that i want. who knows me better than He who is in the Heaven? Praise Lord! and He will reward me more than what others hav. a lot more... like the part of His Wisdom that He has given to me. His Wisdom of Far Sight, able to plan what is ahead. but i always forget something that is, a backup plan. it's like His method of working. Giving the man to choose a road to walk and walk. when the man wants to give up, poof! there is another path given to that guy, and this path is made by God. Praise the Lord forever!! =D

and these graces are the things that hold me that God is real. =) A~men! haha!

thanks Lord. you hav really prepared my heart..

It's your Gracious Name that allows me to stand forgiven in front of you.
and so i wanted to continue to bless Your name, my Saviour and Redeemer!

thank you Lord so much.
find your way in Him lady!
allow me to continue to Love You and her,
by my simple faith...

THAT I USED WHEN I CONTINUE TO BELIEVE IN YOU =). 26/8

2006-08-26T00:25:00.000+08:00

God has given us a identity.
yes He has given us ways of solutions and wise choices to make our destinies.
what we born are our identity, it may be hard to accept but it's up to one to choose them.

yeah, a lot of things going on. tian xi's b'day and gabriel is leaving singapore. oh well how i wish they can enjoy themselves. yeah, seeing my brothers happy will actually make my day better. toda yi long also came. yeah, as a brother, i do feel heartache to see him in this postion. lost hope and faith in the families, us and his family. though we feel hurt, Chris felt the most. since he is our leader and "a-pa", a member, and his "son went away, he will feel the hearache that is even 10 folds worse than us. why? he treat us like his blood and flesh sons. and we do we treat him like father? of cos yes. i am giving him respect and to honour him is my task, it's also a way to honour Jesus Chris and our Father in Heaven.

dunno what to tell him and really feel helpless. i didnt know a lot of things until today. his mother is sick, his younger brother is rebelling and his older brother always disappeared and he lost all his hopes in his family. all! what makes one to be so weak until he has no hope with his family? i dunno. but there is something i know. maybe even the family is falling, like what joy says, it's all past, and you hav to continue to do it daily, starting from today. he has no aim, nothing in his life. what i can see now is that, whether he wants the family to be back, and how willing is he going to do that? for me, i think he is the only one standing normally and helpless in the family, the one who is holding the family together. he knows that the family will fall someday, yet he is feeling hopeless and helpless. the current situation he is in no one will understand. it's like there is a need for the family to reunite again. how to?

i dunno. yup there is a lot of questions i dunno. maybe start off with the parent. encourage her mother, and it may leads to a chain, where her mother will encourage her second son, that is yi long, then yi long will unite with his younger brother to bring this family alive, then as the family becoming stronger, as it took the atttention of his elder brother, and slowly drags him back to the family becos of the family moral support.

we are fortunate actually. my Lord has blessed me a ideal family, and a shelter and sufficient knowledge that i need to know. i dun ask for much except His Knowledge, His Grace, His Love, His Faithfulness, more in finanical and lastly, more anointing among us. He has also blessed me with a good and true buddies and brothers. they are out there for me. and simply spoke to them with simple thoughts and what we think about each other. however these brothers and buddies are not easily called. i do commit some of my time to them whenever i am free, like how i disturb terrence and shawn =). they hav the resources for me to tap. ask and you shall be given. Praise Lord!

recently i just realised there is no such thing as fast maturity. it takes time or even forever to mature in one aspect of life. =)

thanks Lord for placing so much great stuffs in my life.
may her find the way in you,
bless my families, biological and spiritual.
belss her families, biological and spiritual.
bless the people among us.
there is time when i will dont believe you, but Lord,
please forgive me.
whenever i dun believe that is You,
You hav always shown me miracles that You have been here, always besides me.

thank you Lord so much.
find your ways in Him lady!
May this Land be saved under Your Name Jesus Christ.
I seek and ask sincerely under the Gracious and Almighty Name i ask and pray!
Amen.

may Lord you watch over her, guide her.
i will still be there to hold on that.
becos of the overflowing Love from God,....

As I JUST SIMPLY BELIEVE! =) 26/8

2006-08-25T10:47:00.000+08:00

God He REIGNS! GOD HE REIGNS!
FOREVER MORE!~

yesterday sociology and psychology exam was a stressed one, becos i saw my result on net. so i prayed to Father, Lord i will just commit the rest of time, what may happen to me i dun care, i just simply ask and seek your Wisdom in Heaven, for there is nothing greater than You. it's like a stone in my mind,my brain tells me, "hey stop stop! i cant absorb anymore" i will tell it, hey come mon last paper after today you can hav fun. of cos my heart is the main controller so my brain got no control. just tried my best yesterday. i think i am really tired out by just studying and stressed out. during in the library i can just lie there and poof! i am asleep for a few minutes and still managed to pull myself up. it's by God's Grace that i am able to pull myself up. but even i tried to study, school library got a lot of distractions. people talking, walking around and blah blah blah. though studying for sometime, and there comes my stomach!

my stomach was having a GAMBLE RUMBLE! no doubt! it's a stomach ache! when i was there stressing myself to study, this "rumbling" wave kept propelling in my stomach, and the mixed feelings were there, stomachache, vexing, brain had a stone, 3 different ones woo hoo! in the end changed a place to study and yeah, got that place quite fast. though i studied a while, my mind was really in a blank. oh well well, the best thing in the end was bible and yeah, it really calmed my heart my stress level down. that time i was also playing Ye Qu(Jay Chou's) and so i began to fall asleep again haha =D.

but still have to praise God! cos it's by His Grace that i was able to manage the paper. like there's still an hour left. haha =D. something miraclously happened....!!

during that paper, when i was doing sociology that part, her name appeared on the paper!! ahh..! why? is it God ask me it is time to sms her or something? i didnt laugh at God but it's kinda funny. out of so many name why must be her? well i dun mean that this sounds bad, but really this TIME MUST REALLY THANKS HIM, BE GRATEFUL AND APPRECIATE HIS HELP!!

really.
it's becos through her name by God's Grace, i was able to remember of some stuffs she done in her nursing home. though i didnt really saw she when she was working in nursing home but, yup her tender and delicate care for the elderly was really touching and yeah, i miss her =). i didnt see it, it's through her pictures she took. so pictures are really memories, can be good or bad, and they are marvellous and wonderful. they really spoke a thousand words into my heart and my mind, and i tends to imagine she was wearing a green uniform and working, it's a nice one=). administratoring at the counter, doing doctor's work, taking blood pressure with stethscope around her neck, tied hair, no makeup... yea! these things she will never show when she's out, but yet my Lord showed to me, thanks God =) . maybe my imagination have been already too "creative" or something, she just dun showed her sad front, a strong woman of God=).

anyway praise the Lord, i dunno whether this is vision or what haha. but i think this is something God wants me to see ba=). me still havent finished my Ps YC homework, lol going to do that after this. maybe i may seems like i am too concentrated on these stuffs but i am not =). i know tehre's still a lot of things for me to build foundations in others' heart, such as having a spiritual child and sow seeds of Jesus Christ in child's heart, and mould their lives into Christlike what the Potter's hand has done to me. it's not easy and it's satisfying. it can takes up to a lifetime to do that, like a chinese saying, bai nian shu ren.

thanks God for all these.
may Lord Bless the rest like You Bless me everyday,
for this World is your Lord,
Blessed is Your Name, Jesus Christ!
you will surely find your way in Him, lady
for you are a great woman of God.
guarding this love isnt easy isnt tough,
Just the simple faith and simple love of God,

Cos i JUST SIMPLY BELIEVE! =) 25/8

2006-08-23T10:58:00.000+08:00

lol.
this thought should be on yesterday's blog.. but, ah! nevermind!

wanted to start off my work with working on elderly in hospital.

I heard from some of the schoolmates that AH hold mostly of elderly, firstly that place is nearby to a lot of estates that elderly stay, like queenstown and commonwealth. is it a God's planning?

i wanted to get St Luke community hospital's sponsorship in year 2 of my course. heard from Kylie that the hospital is also doing on elderly patients. well what can i say except... PRAISE HIS NAME! haha! firstly i wanted to go there to work to know how is she feeling when working in a place where elderly is involved. and yeah, God has responded and put me in hospital. Kylie also said that if one wants to start off to work in the nursing, one should go to a public hospital not only elderly hospital, and well her words also worked, it's through God. at that time i dunno which hospital has elderly and where can i go to hav a better experience in the job and in the end God reveals to me. haha =D. thank you Jesus!

Lord has placed her beside for a reason. Thank you Lord.
you see, God really exists. just Believe Him. =)
Find your way in Him, lady!
All things will comes...

When i Simply Believe =) 23/8

2006-08-22T17:13:00.000+08:00

are you a christian?
of cos i am one, believed that He has died for me on the Cross at the Calvary.
Praise His Name at Highest! =)
thank you Lord.

my day starts off by buying a macdonald burger, egg muffin, and bring it for my mum breakfast. this simple act, i believe it's an act of honouring them. though only left with 5 bucks, there is still a need to get her something special for breakfast since she has a long time didnt have fastfood for breakfast after she set up her wanton mee stall. for you to see, these are some sacrifice. eating fastfood should be an enjoyment but she lost it. quite sad. she doesnt hav to do that for my family, and still can enjoy life, but she still choose to lose the freedom. all i can do is that she can do well at her work and blessed her plentifully in financial like Lord has blessed me.

Believing Him was tough, however i seems to realise the way His way of doings.
Recently i have received a call from NHG, national healthcare group, for my sponsorship. and yup! God answered my prayer, a lot. i am just hoping that the interview can pass. haha, so this money can really help to reduce my parents' burden while i concentrated on my studies, full concentration on it and on God. you see, God works in ways that you cant see, but somehow i seems to know a bit of His plan, not too much, just a bit =).

i always wanted to get this amount of money to do a lot of things, shopping, paying handphone bills and my expenditure when i am outside, becos of the previous job, a factory job that allows me to earn up to 2k each month(a lot eh?=P), i became a spendthrift. only till recently i began to realise that, hey each cents do count and when they really accumulates it can be quite an amount, like saving $10 each week, 52 weeks and you hav $520, and as every year you save in an increasing rate, like first year $10 per week, 2nd year $20 per week, then 3rd year $30 and so on and so for, is a quite an adequate amount. and that can be used for early marriage haha! =) =P =D! saving is finally important to me =D. and i know God wants me to mature in everything before i was given this amount of money.

secondly, this supports me financially thus giving sense of security which i dun need, becos Jesus has given it to me =). but what's the most important is that, my Lord told me to find some spiritual sons to worship Him together =). that brings me to another step towards God, the spirit of fathering! and everything will go according to God's promise...=) hurray!=)

my sponsorship, if i got it, i will be going to Alexandra Hospital(AH) for work after 4 years, and sure there is a distance from my house, since in 4 years' time AH is going move to yishun,but the distance between her and me will be shorter, like half an hour, since from my house to hougang is like.. hmm 1 and 1/2 hrs i think. Praise the Lord! before that moment i stepped into the society i can see the problems surfaced to me through her. she is working in a nursing home yet the crappy thing is the schedule of the work. it's going to affect my spirit man and i am not going to be punctual for my cell and other God's work. forgive me Lord. the distance of her and me , makes us easiler to meet each other after work. yeah! Praise the Lord! =)=D. what you see is not what you saw. remember that.

at the end of the day, you will have a lot of commitment in your stuffs and yup, do have te strength to carry on and do have the courage to say that you are not able to take it =)

thank you Lord
I am borned to Honour and Praise your Holy and Gracious Name!
I live to die for you!

May Your Presence dwell among us and Lord, guide her to find you.
and i will guard her like how you guard me.
I Believe You are always Beside me,

cos I SIMPLY BELIEVE! =)

blessing in disguise!

2006-08-21T11:32:00.000+08:00

for two to come together into a relationship, it's a kind of blessing from Lord. i asked my christian fren who are in relationship. well he is also a great man of God. he realised that his past relationships are feeding himself only, but praise the Lord, he found back what he has lost =). kinda happy for him though. the emotions will be up and down of cos, but both must help each other to grow more in Lord. this also tells me that God loves her a million more times than the way of i loving her, well there's no way to compare lol.

yeah indeed. fathering is also important in the process too. nothing can be worse than the rejections from your loved ones. these setbacks can either train you to be stronger or you fall all the way down to pit haha. =)

not taking things for granted... hmm! always must remember that... cos that's the common mistake of youngsters nowadays, i guess. the days she's with me i hav always taken granted, just feeling like, "Norman" on the TV show, in the past. well thinking of being wanted to be her, yet can be thinking of other gals, and can talk straightforward to her...i wonder how i can do that, so cruel! haiz. bad me bad me ... luckily repented phew, otherwise how am i going to be accountable in the rest of my life? good lesson for me! and it's quite hard to see it by your point of view.

there is a common point between us. we always feel inferior for each other. for me i always think that there should be a better guy for her, a more handsome and better temperd guy for her. not she's not worthy for me, but i am not worthy for her.

this is a test.
well that's all for today!
Hope my Lord can make me love Him and embrace Him as much as i love her.
cos this is an Everlasting Love.
she will not be a passerby in my life.

and yeah. guarding these loves arent easy,
but i know my Lord is going to increase my capacity of love,
cos I SIMPLY BELIEVE IN HIM...! =)

excelling in work?

2006-08-20T00:48:00.000+08:00

excelling in work?
lol past years i know if i work harder a bit, i will be able to make it to the express... which i dun think it's good at the start.
everyone tells me that express is good... but yeah, can you see what's behind?
i got a feeling that singapore children are having deprived childhood as compared to the past. the rebellion in children nowadays is a wakeup call for this constricted yet limited space of education and parents' attitude towards children. nowadays children are getting more intelligent, or parents are becoming more hardworking haha =D poor parents.

the child dislike the parents, simply becos they didnt know how much their parents contribute to build this family, to raise them up and to see them growth. to a parent, there are 2 milestones, the time where they become grandparents and seeing their children throwing their square hats. these are the two things i remembered what my english teacher told me during my secondary school years. yeah, i do appreciate them. the things that they did in the past and present i saw clearly with my eyes. my father was a wonderful person, quit smoking for us, do OT for us, and yup, one memorable event was that he carried me to a nearby clinic. i think that time i was breathless, kinda choked. in the present, though he was not that young anymore, he still will try to earn extra money to supoort the family, like collecting used copper wires and remove them from insulator. interestingly, was it a help from God? an enlightened way to teach my father to earn more money? i believed that is.
my mum is a less educated person. she supports this family from being a sales gal to a wanton mee auntie, and yeah i can see her contributions. everything what parents do for the family the children can't see=) becos it's all so secretive haha.

promised to tell you guys about what my frends told me. remember i asked my frens about the way i speak in conversation? yup! they said no, but maybe my body language says that... haha=)

it's going to 1:15am yet i am blogging lol... but nvm. finish up everything what i shall blog!
today joy told me the importance of studies to God, and i think that God is talking to me. i know i myself is able to study and cope with stuffs but just that lack of discipline. of cos this can helps me to develop a stronger person out of me and of cos, being more knowlegdable ba. those words struck me deep and hard. there will be more work to come. though it's tough, i will still hang hold on God's strength as the Strength He given to me never ends, like Superman. yes, i know my Lord is giving me infinite strength, however, though my spirit is willing but my body was weak. fortunately my Lord refreshes me with 2 hrs of sleep. Praise the Lord! throughout the whole day i was busy, walk walk here walk walk there haha! test in morning, cell after that. night movies(or should be walking around boat quay ba haha=D)

of cos after the talk about excel in studies i began to think about her. she just flashed through my mind. how to help her? what was placed in front of me by God is truth, otherwise i wont be that able to think that straight le. not going into relationship is a decision that i respect her. yeah... but still love will never stop flowing becos it's from God! Praise His name that He is always supplying His Love to me and so i can give to others. She maybe mine yet there is a lot of chances that she might not be, even though i am very afraid to lose her speak truthfully. but i will not hold it so tight that she is unable to breathe or something beocs i know she's also a human and she has her rights=). Man crys in heart, unlike woman who is able to shred tears. the crying in heart often harden man's heart, causing it to numb, but dun worry that wont happen most of the time on me though it happened a few times haha=). it's God's Love that clears my heart, and so no longer me will hatred, nor ager as He has sealed mine, nor jealous beocs nothing belongs to yours, but love the others and bless them even they cursed you.
we are the one who can make difference in the evil vicious cycles, like how i stopped chain mail. =)

Father, as i completed this blog i may be feeling tired or fatigue,
yet Lord, Our Wonderful God, for you has sacrificed your Son to die for us,
and the day that we started to sin, there is no rest for God and Man.
yet there is the marvellous Love of Yours and energy that you provided to us!
thank you Lord.
For even hardest times of my Life you have sent anointed people in my life to set me free!
thank you Lord.

may i am in the wrong path,
may i am in the wrong way,
yet Lord till the very end of time i still want to love her the same way.
cos the things You hav shown me is beyond believing...

so I will use this simple faith to Believe. =)

ehhh!~

2006-08-19T14:49:00.000+08:00

thank Lord for blessing her, for laying your Blessing Hand upon Her.
and she made my emotions up and down. haha=)

what was presented in the bible is the truth.
though past few weeks i am seeking for Lord.

today cell processing comes to the chapter of perseverance and trials. haha dunno whether Chris choose it or what haha. but indeed what speaks to me is His Holy Spirit. almost cried today lol, got back my abilities... LEVEL UP! wahahaha! =D but what really speaks to me, He soften my heart, the Heart for His people, those lost sheeps and lambs, ready to do His Work again.

Set off my new journey. woo hoo! yet i just want to safeguard this little Love, may not be anything significant to Him but it's significant to me. yet i just wanna honour Him this little Love. may she hate me or anything. clear about my boundaries, i will save her in the end of the day=). why am I so persistent? cos i just wanna concentrate on her, simply her.

I just wondered often why broken up couples still want to be together, even they know same thing will happen again? this answer comes to me. it is simple. it's about the commitment that the couple can give, and there can be great changes during the commitment, where each other accepts and compromise each other. Praise the Lord! who has made man such a wonderful thing, even we are dust, yet that's our emotions makes us really different from everything.

what really gives her the feelings? i dunno...? maybe that's the wonder of Love, the Exalted One had left for us before He went up. Hatred, Anger and Jealousy are not borned from Love, something that is very sacred. It's the sins from Man that caused it. i dunno... maybe her heart hardens ba.Maybe she hates me haha =) but i dun mind. I believe the simple Love from God can overcome everything.

Sam talks me yesterday. I know i deserved these. Sense of security is something that i wont be able to give now. why? like what Sam says, the way i talk, is like... flirting, but i often asked my frends, especially gals, like "do you feel that i am flirting to you?" the answer is... shall kept it as a secret till next time =D. this is the second wakeup call for me. yeah, to give others, especially my loved one, must do that. time to put boundaries! =)

oh well that's so far for today.

this is the little love i want to guard. may seems insignificant yet it's beautiful.
no one believes that it will come true, and Lord i shall be a living testimony.
I have nothin except this simple faith of Man for you. May You be pleased.

Loving God and her and people around me is tough especially when she doesnt believe,
but Lord I know you will show me the miracles.
The Truth of Exodus is coming, yet i know the God's Love will melt her heart.
thank you God =)

why am i seeing all these miracles?
Cos I SIMPLY BELIEVE... =)

COS I SIMPLY BELIEVE...

muscle ache!!

2006-08-18T12:46:00.000+08:00

wow my arm muscle seems to be functioning not that well. it's quite painful. having problems in stretching my whole arm straight lol. my whole arm seems to be bending all the time, flexion! haha... but managed to finish a few straw stars. prayed and blessed the stars and blessed those who received it.. haha.. kinda fun.

Lord is over me. as i prayed and seek Him, He seems to tell me, "just believe and be what you are used to be, the simple man of faith." yup i believe it's Him talking to me. Miracles showed in my life, that's why i believe. =)

Lord, watch over and protect her, like how you protected me. may you speak healing into her heart as i sincerely pray in Jesus Christ, great and gracious name, I ask and pray... Amen!

May your Salvation be in this nation of yours.
Blessed is Your Holy Name at the Highest!

Thank you Lord.
Days ahead may be a tough one, yet i know it's going to be fun!
Cos got Chris Fun! (no la just joking=P)

but why?

COS I JUST SIMPLY BELIEVE... =)

what is me to her?

2006-08-18T00:27:00.000+08:00

dunno what's me in her sight...? maybe just a childish guy who having fun and talk around with gals.. haha! sometimes really feel kinda useless.

seeing my class gals in trouble or my family members in trouble or her in trouble, cant help or do anything =). to a certain extent, yup i am weak. "try your best" is a lame excuse. geez, my inferior feelings are back...!

either my spiritual or my biological family and my classmates, often i will try to give them the best. As a man, i seems to fail... a very bad guy. Lust is over me, eyes are running around, guilt and shame is on me... and woo there is still more! just a few simple sentences from them, my confidence was shaken. "ni hen mei you yong leh" and other stuffs from their mouths can really kill me. i dun care about the others.

yet i was glad that people still trust me. lol... hiding my truth from others... the truth that only Christ, the elder ones know only. life is pretty in a mess now... my curiosity always kills my appeitite, yet there is a need for me to know about the people's world. should i stop bothering and be someone at the back? i dunno. so far in sch, i dun wish to bother any stuff or anything cos i dunno what to do with them. haiz, disappointed with myself and in my life.

Glad that there is still Dad, and God... otherwise it will be a mess. Lord has placed Samuel and me well enough. He often reminds me of my mistakes...good one!he told me a lot of things. hmmm it's time to repent on my sins everyday! my old sins should be taken out and i shall repent on them!

time to slow down my pace lo. i should hav always done that. haha...what is happening to me..?? why am i changing so much...?? humble myself? where am i? *confusion!!!*

for one thing i am sure. my heart is numb. i dunno what happened.

maybe i am too focused on her le. stupid me. it's time for me to tune back my life lo before i can even take care of others lol.

I will humble myself, treat me as a servant of God. be considerate.

What am I? I am nothing but just a handful of dust. =)

2006-08-18T00:05:00.000+08:00

You are 73% Virgo

How Virgo Are You?

You Are An ESFJ

The Caregiver

You are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first.
A creature of habit, you prefer routines and have trouble with change.
You love being in groups - whether you're helping people or working on a project.
You are good at listening, laughing, and bringing out the best in people.

You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher.

What's Your Personality Type?

haha just done it recently =P

way of doings.

2006-08-17T23:05:00.000+08:00

often i reflect what is correct and what is wrong. Judgement comes in. Something under God's Word i should not do. my course often requires a lot of judgement and critical thinking. though i still have critical thinking, i have lost almost all my jugdement. i have lost all my confidence in my judgement. what to do man. haiz... my work is affected a lot by that.

dun really wish to bother or pressurize her too much. i am sure my actions will have backfire. Our God is really Coooooll!! know everything in the world and speak to us softly... I cant heal her heart but my Father can, and i will heal her in His name. =)

The Spirit man is back...! the Lord is gracious. Though it might go up and down, but the hold on Him will never fall away. =)

The day will come.
She dun believe?
Nevermind... The day will come as my Faith by the Grace of my Lord, grows stronger day by day!

Cos i Simply Believe =)

let it go~ it's all over! a week of joy and pain!

2006-07-14T21:48:00.000+08:00

I am letting it go for what i believe My Lord, who is able to give me something more better for both of us... or maybe if we have the Fate then we will be together in the end. Struggling to be together was my choice, but i was wrong. I always have this feeling.

I hope it's not just my feelings.

Cell on wednesday is like a wake up call to my senses. it seems like my heart really turned into a stone le, but at least this heart of stone is filled with a lot of joy and love from my Heavenly Father. however since it turned into a stone i tend to ignore others' feelings, that's the part where i went wrong. i was supposed to felt the touch of God but i didn't. Chris said that my heart was hardened.. and he is right. the miracle weekend was supposed to bring my friend along, but i didnt. Didnt set my heart to the right channel and frequency. dunno whether this heart is good or not, cos it also kinda reflected away others' bad comments.

I will challenge the world and my ah gong! with my ah pa and my brothers!

Unity is the best we can find within the body of Christ.
Ah pa! Yo brothers! lend me the strength to stand within the gals, they may reject me, but you guys must be there to support me, whenever i am falling i know you guys will be there to help me even before i fall!

simply i blog today just becos... i blog, i dunno what to say lol!!

COs i know my God save the day and i know His words never fail,
and i know my God make a way for me...... Salvation is here!!

I believe that Singapore will be save by the body of Christ!!
I believe that all the polytechnics will be touched!!
by Faith in Our Lord,

COS I SIMPLY BELIEVE!!~

On the quest of Searching.

2006-06-15T19:46:00.000+08:00

The Start of the World... Genesis.

Indeed our Lord is good. Seeing things by Faith, by Hope and by Love.
Recovering from my "wounds", everyday is better than the past certainly.
Well on sunday, it started from okay to bad and to very good! =P

I saw her again...and hatred began to gathered within my Heart, and when coming to afternoon, hatred becomes stronger and stronger. Love causes one to love and hate very easily... For just one moment that she say she likes you, you can be the most happiest man on that day but when she say broke up, you can fall from heaven to earth and went deep into the underground Hell, feeling like made up of the Satan's powers and covered with it. Even worse, destroying the whole world. i think most probably because of memories. It just disturbed me very very badly. Wanted to suggest me for a brain wash or sealed up the memories by a psychiatrist lol? i did thought of that =P!but it's kinda unfair to those who loved me. Memories are wonderful yet painful.

Service time! During service, I told Dad and her about that feeling. I think there is a need to confess.Why? I dun hav an answer at that time, and if yes, i will find myself with excuses not to tell dad and her.. Luckily i didnt hav the reason not to confess =). Later she began to question and I began to use harsh words to go against her, holding my anger. Though so, because she has blessed me, my heart was touched at that moment, indeed my heart felt lighter at that time, seems like things began to be colourful again... at that moment my heart was soften and things started to change. Well only ones who experience it will know the great feeling. guess that "rock" was gradually lifted by the great Love and Grace of God...and of course God's word on that day i didnt even heard a thing LOL =x =D!!

People keep turning towards the past, not knowing time is still running..Living in the Past...Worst mistake of Man. Allow me to be cruel. Time is precious from the time we are borned till the end of our lifespan but i die die also dun believe that time will end for us as ones who lives in the society and in Christ.

Again my handphone bills is here! Argh!! haiz... kinda sad =( can't pay them off straight. I believe things don't only have dead end, and in fact when things come to a standstill, alternative ways are being showed spread out into more locations, there are always choices... guess this service is going to be cut off because i didnt manage to pay finish it. I did believe that things might turn out better.

Our generation has become the fruits of the earlier generation but this doesn't turn out well. Everything has its beginning and end, the alpha and the omega.
Generation D = Generation Debts. I am a good example lol =D.

Love can be a killer of your Life.I did enjoyed and suffer from it. Great power can be bring from there,but also Hatred can also.What happen you lost it?
and what can happened to you?

But this doesnt means End of the World...Revelation.

Nothing.
Simply Nothing.
Lives with your Life, cos the Time is still running. =)
Bless She ,who leaves you, will regret and she will find a better one also =)
See beyond it =)
See beyond what you can't see,
for you can foresee and farsight than those who leaves you =)
but also you must reflect on it, and work on it.
Accept what is non-pleasing for you.
For they can be greatest corrections that can work in your life,
because they are things that you cant see at your point of view.

Shouldnt we worry so much?
Yeah... in fact we shouldnt =)
Well I lay all my troubles and problems on His Hand and at His Throne, for He will keep me away from harm and pain.
I believe that I will get my NUH sponsorship for sure! =p
I believe that His Words and Promises for the rest of the world and me will come true...

Because I simply BELIEVE! =)

Songs and Words of Healing~ eh heartache really painful.. =P

2006-06-01T18:53:00.000+08:00

Our Lord is Great indeed. While playing His songs i was gradually forgetting what I wanted to write. Somehow i am still feeling pain... seems like this wound need another person to heal it. Love will be the best remedy. I felt God's, my father's, my family's and my friends'. All these are wonderful and marvelous Love that i got from others. However i didnt receive it, my heart is still numb... until what my female friend showed me care and love(which we are supposed to have in our work =) ) while i was the "patient" in the practical. Maybe that's God's Grace... and also the song "here i am" melted my heart too.

Love = Trust + Joy.

Indeed is true when you felt from others , except from your better half. I believe it's something much sophisticated, differently.

I must CONFESS something. I hated her at the moment when she says "I am sorry"... this shows that she didnt know what i am doing all the time. well i would rather she dislike me forever... or even till the end of the time, i dun mind, as long as what God knows it's enough... I almost sent her that when i was going to sleep, but i hold back because i afraid i will hurt her again. why i will do that? i also dun know. maybe is the spirit in me tells me so... =)... luckily she pursues God a lot... phew and it doesnt matter her more.. lucky! =)

Supposedly wanting to use the NP ambassadors as a outreach.. but i am not included... LOL! well i believe there are always chances ahead. I am looking at the future....

AND ALSO BE ACCOUNTABLE OF MY PROMISE...
for i see the visions when i am with her =)

but how am i going to overcome it?
Depending on God and my brothers' and Father's Love...
it's time for me to prove others wrong.
If she is taken, i will fight it back...
For i believe what vision my Lord have given to me
Often i like to say,

Heaven has no roads,
Hell has no doors.

but is it true...?
for me i think it's true,
for my Lord has built this World to create eternity life for us who are good =)

2006-05-29T09:50:00.000+08:00

a new day, new week with a new start! why there is kind of emptiness and how come i will feel pain? i just realise something... nothing hurts more than heartaches. i make a experiement on myself. i tried to recall the hurtful memories and tried to scald myself. well the results turned out to be expected. heartaches numbs your heart so strong tht the scalding effect is not working on me... it's painful yet the heartache is stronger. this also explains something about Jesus died on the cross. i was trying to think what was Jesus think when He was struggling with the pain.

It's touching. Though it's painful, yet He is bearing it. The Love from God that has in Him, for others and His enemies, His Spirit has gone beyond His flesh. A mortal flesh still has its limitations. There comes the power of resurrection, not logical but it came true...

His Spirit has shown us the way. Think beyond what your mortal flesh can do and you will make miracles =)

Sorrow and Grief

2006-05-16T07:11:00.000+08:00

finally i understand the true meaning of giving up. my tears just came when i was writing this... i dun understand why. i think it's time for me to be a man of God...i often ask my Lord, what has happened to me? why i am so darkened and i lost my smile. i cried in heart: "Father! tell me what to do! "... i began to reflect and i finally understand. i think i hav to let it go, since i still hav to study. it's painful, but i will bear the pain.let me be a Man of God again and i will be back on my path to the ways of Leaders =)

Learning the road starts everyday!

2006-05-10T08:49:00.000+08:00

yesterday just went to np ambassador as a interview. well learnt a lot from yesterday's lesson. i am a proud person i finally realise that. the confidence in me has overwhelmed to such as extent that i become very proud... just a small lesson makes me reflect the whole night.. it's a really good lesson from it, still rolling in my brain now...
and what hav i learnt?

simple. talk calmly, step in and back off of the situation, adaptable to environment, be like a clone, think in one's shoes and understand what he or she means, and counter back. and also... Prioritise God!! just a short 1 hr i learnt so much from a girl. amazed? i think there is more to come in the future.... =)

Nice day!

2006-05-04T08:39:00.000+08:00

woo.. dunno why dreams just always keep appearing recently.. all sorts! but two of the most powerful ones are speaking in tongues and a mystery in a murder case. i think the murder mystery it's like a drama lol, like happened in the tv before (must be watching a lot of tv but i didnt =P) and it took place nearby a wanton mee stall and lasted very long around 2 to 4hrs... wonder izit my mum stall? hmm...ah the other one! i dreamt that i was in the toliet and something in white long dress, you know la... typical "stuffs" in those ghost movies. well i speak in tongues in faith and confident, and the ghost seems to be drifting away further and further, yet i hav no sense of fear.. so i reflect but found no answer... kinda tired wake up and quite dun like the feeling when i woke up... cos the feeling attracts me back to bed lol

bel and adrian's was a cool one! though it's wedding it should be serious one, surprisingly it turns out to be a humorous ones(like the all rounded jokes^^)... but was kinda disappointed by what i dress lol... a polo t and jeans.. oh man! *zzz.... see that three men? they are three handsome happy and humorous guys... all my brothers muhahaha!! their smiles quite fake hor? anyway we did enjoy ourselves =) seeing bel and adrian's wedding make me hav the urge to marry too =)... but guess i am still young... haiz =(... anyway really happy for them (though i know them only on that day=P) seeing couples on the red carpet is a type of blessing for us young people. of cos the feeling of love must always hav, and under God's hands i believe it will never end =)...

for those who are looking for love, please be understanding and mature then go and find one. otherwise you will suffer quite much and you will give up eventually.state your conditions of girlfren and wife differently hor!! cos people always find that, after they married there are some things cannot match up to the ideal conditions of the ideal spouse... and in the end of the day, worst case scenerio, they seperated from each other, leaving a scar in each other's heart, making their hearts becoming numb and reject those who wants to renew their hearts and confidence.

for those who wants to renew those whose heart on love has fallen, jia you ba! =) i always support you guys... cos i am one of you guys. i am young and though there is a lot of obstacles i will continue, and since i can do it, why you cannot? =) ganbatae! jia you wor!!